Truly Pchan
by Thanat0s
Summary: Ranma finds a novel way to solve the P-chan problem. Talk about killing two birds with one stone...- [WAFF alert!] (There is some mild language)


**Truly P-chan**  
by Darth Wraith 

Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 is not mine. 

' ' - thoughts | " " - speaking

* * *

"Ranma! Stop picking on P-chan!"

"He bit me first!"

"Yeah that's because you probably did something to him!"

"You're sooo uncute and so freakin STUPID, you know that?! What made you think of such a stupid idea? I'm not the type to just randomly hit animals around!" 

"OH SO P-CHAN'S NOT AN ANIMAL?!"

"You know what Akane? I'm not gonna waste time talking to a stupid uncute jock like you!" 'Uh oh,' Ranma thought, 'I'm a golf ball again...'

Akane blew on the side of her mallet. Bits of dust flew off as she returned it to hammerspace. Ryoga (P-chan) looked at Ranma flying out to the heavens and inwardly giggled. 'Finally he's gone. Now I can have some peace with Akane.' Akane shed a few small droplets of tears before picking P-chan up and heading back to her room. "I hate your guts, Ranma..." P-chan seemed to squeal in joy.

* * *

'Damn that Ryoga. That bloody piggish grin really makes my blood boil...' A fuming Ranma picked himself off the dent he made from smashing into a tree.. 'If it wasn't for honor, he'd be exposed in no time...' Visions of Akane repeatly smashing Ryoga like a nail cooled down Ranma's anger. He sighed, knowing that it would never happen. Countless times he's dropped hints; even blatantly insulted Ryoga by calling him terms relating to pigs, yet best of all his trademark bandana; all were such obvious signs that P-chan was Ryoga, yet Akane was so thick-headed not to notice. He recollected the martial arts calligraphy situation.

~Flashback~

'This time,' he thought, 'Ryoga is so dead. It's about time he stops playing P-chan.' 

Ranma glowed in inward excitement when Akane, with a shocked tone finally said, "He must be one and the same!"

Ranma was about to dance in triumph, but facefaulted after hearing Akane say, "The same drawer drew the face on Ryoga and P-chan!"

~End Flashback~

Ranma was sure that if that time didn't expose P-chan, then nothing would ever expose P-chan unless he directly told Akane the truth, in the cost of honor. No, Ranma was not going to do that. He'd have to find a way to get rid of P-chan. He started walking home. As he walked home, he noticed a newly opened shop. Looking at the signboard, he grinned evilly. 'It's about time...' 

* * *

"Hello there, young man, what can I do for you?" The store clerk looked at Ranma.

"Yes...I'd like to know whether you have any er...black piglets for sale?" Ranma rubbed his thumbs together, tensing in excitement.

"Ah! How nice! But...kinda weird for a boy to buy one don't you think?"

"Hehe...who cares?" The store clerk went to the back door. As the door open, Ranma could hear loud, chaotic animal shouts. Woofs, baas, growfs, meows. Ranma shuddered each time a cat purred. A few moments later the store clerk came out with the cutest black piglet you'd ever see. Ranma went wide-eyed over it. 'It's even cuter than P-chan!' With a triumphant expression on his face he said, "I'll take it!"

"7000 yen?" Ranma sweatdropped..."Umm...."

The store clerk glared at him. "7000 yen?" he repeated with a more forceful tone.

Ranma stuttered, "U..uh...I have 2000 yen...?" Just then he noticed a price tag that read - 1500 yen. This time, he glared back at the store clerk.

"What?!" The store clerk looked at Ranma's visibly angry's face.

"1500 yen, idiot. Where the hell did you get 7000 from?!" Ranma twitched an eyebrow. The store clerk quickly checked the price tag. He paled.

"Uh..." he started saying, "I'm sorry...I got the price wrong. Heheh...these things happen...here I'll discont you for uh...1200 yen?" Ranma dumped the 1200 yen and left the building, with the black piglet in hand. Strangely, the moment he saw it, he was instantly attached to it.

"Hey squirt. How bout, I call you P-chan?"

P-chan (real pig) bweed happily. 

* * *

Akane was in her bedroom studying, but for some odd reason she couldn't study. P-chan was nowhere to be seen. Apparently Ryoga was lost again trying to follow Akane. Thoughts of the latest P-chan fight were haunting her. 'I don't get it,' she thought, 'it's just another fight...'

_(A/N: FROM NOW ON P-CHAN WILL BE REFERED TO THE PIG RANMA BOUGHT)_

'...stupid uncute jock!' Akane's anger flared up at the thought. "RANMA YOU GODDAMN INSENSITIVE JERK!" She took off to the backyard and converted four Ranma Saotome dummies into piles of sawdust. That, however, didn't ease her feelings. She rushed back to her bedroom, buried her face on the pillow, and cried till she could cry no more.

Moments later, she heard a male voice which sparked her infinite supply of anger once more. 'Ranma...why the hell is he here!?' Happy voices were heard outside. 'Wait till I get my hands on the bastard....he seems happy enough...he doesn't even care about me...' She was once again on the verge of tears. But the next thing she heard surprised her.

"Here P-chan! Don't be shy! Eat it! It's good! It's Akane's veggie stir-fry!"

"Bwee!"

"You're lucky you know? Before it was...uh...not food, but now it's really good! Come on!" Akane felt the tears flowing down her face. But these were tears of shock and happiness. 'This is probably a dream though,' she thought sadly. 'Might as well enjoy it.' She stepped outside of her bedroom and went down the stairs just far enough to spy on Ranma without him noticing her. What she saw next was the sweetest thing she'd ever seen of Ranma; in fact from any boy. There he was, Ranma, who gave P-chan a quick peck on its forehead.

"Good boy. See I told you her food was good. Now my turn to eat." He took a pair of chopsticks and munched on some veggie stir-fry, chewing without any apparent face color change nor any signs of contortion of the face. The only contortion on his face was one of pure enjoyment. Akane could only watch in amazement. 'This is definitely a dream.' Then Ranma spoke to P-chan again.

"You know P-chan, it's not me who's gonna keep you." The pig's face fell. Ranma smiled.

"Don't worry, she's a much better person for taking care of cute little squirts such as you," Ranma said, stroking P-chan's back. The pig looked up at him.

"Yup. I'm sure she's better than me. Actually, I take that back about me not keeping you. She is my fiancée, after all. And she lives here with me. Oh I don't mind at all..in fact, I don't mind if I live here forever just to be with her." Akane gasped. The pig's spirits lifted a great deal...it was obvious by the sparkle in its eyes.

"Boy will she be surprised when she sees me doing this." Ranma said with a small laugh. Akane wasn't listening. Sleep began to overtake her, and slowly, she gave in. She lay herself on the stairs, dreaming away.

Ranma, too, began to feel a little sleepy. "Oh well P-chan, let's go to sleep." He picked up P-chan and carried him up, only to find Akane laying on the stairs. He chuckled. "Here P-chan, meet my fiancée, Akane Tendo. Cute, ain't she?" The pig seemed happy looking at Akane. Suddenly it felt himself on the floor. The pig looked at Ranma in confusion.

"Don't worry, I'll be back." Ranma smiled. He, in turn, picked up the slim fram of Akane and carried her back to her bedroom. He placed her on the bed, put the blankets over her, lightly kissed her on the forehead, and said, "Sleep well, innazuke." He went out, picked up P-chan and placed it next to Akane. "Don't worry P-chan. I'll be here tomorrow. Besides, it won't hurt to sleep with her." Ranma petted P-chan one more time before going to sleep back in his room.

* * *

*Yawn*...Akane opened her eyes. She suddenly jolted upright. She swore she fell asleep on the stairs, so how did she end up in the bedroom? 'Ooohh...that baka pervert! Trying to take advantage of me while I'm asleep huh? But...' Her thoughts were interrupted by a loud bwee. She looked at the floor and saw P-chan without his yellow bandana. Suddenly it all came back to her. 'This wasn't a dream! This was real! Ranma being nice to P-chan, complimenting my cooking, it's all real!' She blushed crimson thinking about last night. Akane changed to her jogging clothes. After that, she picked up P-chan and snuggled it. The pig at first bweed in protest, but soon got comfortable. The difference is that this time the pig thought nothing of bosoms.

"Well P-chan, let's go out and have breakfast, ne?" She opened the door to see Ranma, hands up in a knocking position. "Um..hi."

Ranma smiled meekly, "Hiya..." He looked at the pig on Akane's chest, and gave it a little wave. Akane was by now sure that the event last night was not a dream. 'He's not mad anymore?' Ranma then looked at Akane. "You know, when P-chan's not all violent and stuff, he really is quite cute."

Akane snorted. "Of course! You just noticed that?"

"Yeah. Then I noticed that when YOU'RE not all violent and stuff, you're really cute as well."

"Are you comparing me to a pig?"

Ranma laughed. "Nah. But it's true. You really are cute when you're not fuming. Right, P-chan?" Akane noticed that his tone of voice when talking to the pig was one of love and caring, not like before when he kept sneering and beating the pig. The pig squirmed, struggling to get off Akane. Akane noticed and let him go. The pig instantly jumped onto Ranma. Ranma felt slightly dazed but recovered. "The pig likes me, hehehe." 'If only you did, Akane.' he added as an afterthought.

"Yeah," Akane smiled. "You know, I have to admit, you're so...different. Before you'd always insult my cooking and pick on P-chan, but...last night...*blushes* I heard about how good my veggie stir-fry was. Do you mean that?"

"Yeah! It really was good last night! You didn't use any Water of Life did you?"

Akane lightly bopped him on the head. "It was all through ordinary means!"

"Hehe. I believe you..I think?" He raised his hands to block another bop. "You wanna know something?"

Akane looked at him quizzically. Ranma continued, "It's weird. The first time I saw P-chan, I instantly hated it. I don't know why. (Well, he thought, it's Ryoga but I'm not gonna say that). The pig also hated me. It bit me when it saw me, and I hit it back. The worse thing is, I always take the blame even if it isn't my fault." Akane narrowed her eyes. Ranma paid no heed, continuing, "But then...something weird happened. Somehow...I feel strangely attracted to it. I can't really explain it, but I guessed that we've come to an understanding. Boy was I wrong. It was more than just an understanding. It was unconditional love. That pig was so cute...I wondered why I hated it in the first place. The pig must've thought the same thing. But now, I guess we're best of buddies, and we love each other. And you know what the most surprising thing is?" Akane, who was already touched and numbed by Ranma's pure but sweet speech, jumped in surprise when Ranma asked her a question.

"No?"

"Well...please don't take offence to this, but I think you're the pig." 'Urm...that didn't sound right...but I hope it's good enough' Ranma thought. Akane looked at him weirdly, slightly annoyed but she blushed when looking at his eyes. 'Storm blue,' she thought, 'it's...so easy to get lost in those eyes. Oh my god!' Akane gasped. The slow realization of what Ranma meant when he called Akane a pig dawned on her. As the words slowly absorbed, tears formed, sort of like a factory where words were converted to tears. Finally when it got to the point where he said "I guess we're the best of buddies, and we love each other," Akane jumped on Ranma and hugged him tightly. 

Ranma sighed. 'Finally,' he thought, 'I admitted my feelings for her. I guess my revenge was two-fold after all.' Reluctantly breaking the hug which seemed to last forever, he answered her. "I feel the same towards you. You're the pig I hated. But soon we came to an understanding. And then, it came to love. At least for me. But...do you love me?"

"NAWWW...." Akane said, sticking out her tongue, "that's why I'm hugging you like mad? And that's why I'm doing this..." She pressed her lips against Ranma's. Ranma's eyes widened, but he returned the kiss with equal passion. However as always, they would be interrupted.

"BWEE!"

Ranma and Akane looked at the pig. Akane bent down and kissed the pig. "You get a share too."

Ranma laughed. He took Akane's hand and picked up P-chan with his other hand, and headed outside to begin their morning jog.

* * *

NOTES: Wow...I didn't expect any Waff to come out, but I guess it did! But I think this is a not-as-mean-to-Ryoga way to get back at P-chan, by getting another black piglet! This is a oneshot. However I feel some parts were sort of rushed, but I think it turned out ok in the end. In any case, R & R!


End file.
